Today marks two weeks of no intentional sugar, two weeks of no food bingeing (why binge if it isn't sugar?). Much of the physical sense of detoxing has passed or eased: the jitteriness, the headache, the unease of my brain. I think some of that is still going on--I used for a long, long time--but I am feeling better, feeling clearer. And as I mentioned on Friday, the habits are now cropping up.
I went to a play today with a good friend. It was disappointing--not badly acted but outdated and a violent and abusive side to men that I didn't really need to see. As I drove home restless and unsatisfied, I immediately began thinking about needing an almond bar that Trader Joe's has. They aren't very sweet (nuts and a little honey) and so they fall into a grey zone: is this a dessert or a snack bar? The real question is this: Am I likely to eat more than one in a sitting? Am I likely to spend time thinking about when I can have the next one? Am I likely to want to make sure I have enough of them on hand just in case? Am I likely to drive to Trader Joe's to find them?
The answer to the 4 questions: Maybe. Probably. Probably. Yes.
I drove to Trader Joe's. I hadn't been in several weeks and I needed some staples and it's a good place to buy local fruit. And that's all true. But as the same time, I searched the place over and asked a shelf-stocker. No nut bars. He'd never heard of them. Promotional item probably, he said. I knew this was my Higher Power in action, saving me from myself.
And I got an introduction to the next phase of detox for me: habit. Watching my habits, learning what they are, dismantling them. More about this later.