Monday, March 29, 2010

Interest vs. commitment

"If you're interested, you do what's convenient. If you're committed, you do whatever it takes."
--John Asaraf

I saw this quote on a blog post the other day and it really struck me. In the last decade, I've been interested several times in losing weight and somewhat interested in not eating so much sugar. But if I was really honest, I was interested in losing weight and continuing to eat as much sugar as I wanted. (It's similar to my desire to be a normal drinker so I can drink all I want without consequences.)

I was interested--at times very interested--and I did what was convenient. I'd find a diet and stick to it as long as I felt like it or got fast results. Weight loss was the real interest, not changing how I ate. I didn't want to change how I ate; I just didn't want to gain and keep weight from eating that way. When it got inconvenient to be off sugar (a retreat with scrumptious desserts, a birthday party with a wonderful cake, a pie fest at my sister's), I'd lie to myself and whoever was listening about how I could handle it now, just have one or two pieces and go back to being off the stuff. But of course, I couldn't. At the very next inconvenience, I'd have two more pieces and then I'd convince myself I could just take home a pint of ice cream or two candy bars and that would be the end of it. If you're an addict, you know what I'm talking about and where that leads.

This time, for some reasons I don't fully understand, I am committed to being off sugar and that commitment has made me willing to do what it takes, whether that be make a request of a friend or go through hard emotional times or watch people eat something I'd love to sink my teeth in because they can and I can't. I don't want to be a slave any more. That seems more precious to me than the old life. I may not always feel this way but right now, I'm riding with it.

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