Saturday, March 27, 2010

Settling in to no sugar

Tomorrow marks 6 weeks since I stopped eating intentional sugar. It has been both easier and harder than I thought. It has been easier to say no, to not feel tempted, to keep it out of the house, to enroll others in my abstinence (no thanks, I don't eat X [muffins, scones, cake, pie, candy, ice cream--whatever they offer], and to deal with the occasional urge in some other way.

What I wasn't prepared for have been the huge emotional upheavals of these weeks, both new grief and old fear, and the physical repercussions. I spent the last three days with miserable intestinal problems, the kind we don't talk about much in this culture (IBS), my first serious bout with it. I'm tempted to see this as a reaction to the stress of Jake's death. As a One in the Enneagram system, I register most of life through my gut (gut reaction, gut feelings, trust my gut) and my gut has been miserably unhappy. Today is the first day I've felt half-way decent and I want to thank from my friend Kathie for the TLC last night.

I drove home today in the warm spring sunshine. I had only a few minutes to unload the car and greet my two kitties and head out to the airport to pick up an old friend from Pittsburgh who is coming to teach at Portland State for spring term. Getting her settled and having dinner so we could catch up has given me another excuse not to be here in the house, where Jake's absence is as noticeable as his presence was.

I'm hoping I'm on the mend, that my gut and my heart can rest now and settle down. But the roller coaster ride continues.

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