Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Tired of being good

The last few days I've been on a little bit of a pink cloud, more early recovery euphoria. I've been feeling better, had more energy, sleeping better, getting more done, and generally feeling pretty up. I even enjoyed going to the gym this morning, which is a rare occurrence (not going, but enjoying it).

Then late this morning I had a very impactful session with a spiritual seer here in Portland. I go to her every few years to find out what my guides and helpers are wanting to tell me. There were no big surprises, a lot of confirmation of the path I'm on, a lot of support and encouragement, but I hadn't realized how intense the experience was until I came home and wanted two things: a nap and a chocolate bar.

I don't sleep much in the daytime any more. I'm not a power napper, able to lie down for 10 minutes and wake refreshed. I want an hour or more to read and snooze and even then I often wake up groggy, so I'm better off to take a walk or play some solitaire or get busy in the house as a break. So I came back and got to work on a Master's thesis that needed a lot of close attention. But even with tea, I stayed sleepy.

And, even though I'd had a good lunch (Indian buffet, one of my favorites), I felt unsatisfied, I felt restless, I felt--well, the truth is, I felt tired of being good. I wanted ice cream or vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese frosting or a big organic milk chocolate bar, maybe even a couple of them. I ate some crackers but that just made me more full so I stopped eating and working and went and took a nap. And when I woke up, I had come back to my senses. So glad there were no sweets in the house.

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