Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Don't tell me I can't

Yesterday morning was my annual physical. In order to get correct readings of blood sugar and cholesterol, they asked me to fast after 8 pm for my 8 am appointment. Now I don't always eat after 8 pm but as soon as they told me I couldn't, I felt panicky. I wrote it into my calendar so I wouldn't forget and I thought about it all day long. How 8 pm would come and I wouldn't be able to eat. How when I got up in the morning I wouldn't be able to have tea like I always do.

It seems a small thing, a silly thing almost. Surely as a conscious adult, I can go 12 hours without eating. And I often do, sometimes longer depending on how late I sleep and when I have breakfast. I also know that one weight-loss technique is to eat dinner at a reasonably early time and then not eat again until breakfast. Theoretically, you sleep better and you lose weight because you're not ingesting food that won't be left unprocessed when your metabolism slows down for the night. But I've been a chronic evening eater for a very long time and it's a habit I'm finding hard to break.

But being told I can't, that it isn't a choice, creates a sense of lack, of deprivation, of withdrawal that is very hard for me to sit with. I'm not sure what the psychology of that is but those of us addicted to ingesting substances, be they alcohol, drugs, or food, don't like to be told no. Something for me to investgate.

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