Monday, June 21, 2010

Is there a normal relationship with food?

I had dinner with my good friend Kathie last night. She asked me if I felt proud of myself for having abstained from sugar all this time--more than four months, and I felt a bit stymied as to an answer. On the one hand, I do feel good about it. I've been abstinent from a substance that was really plaguing me. But many of my habits around food have not changed all that much.

I still eat often when I'm restless, bored, anxious, tired, lonely--all the same reasons I ate sugar. So I've eliminated one toxic substance--and I'm not minimizing how big a deal that is--but I'm still overeating a lot of the time.

So I said to Kathie that I was really wishing I could develop a relationship with food like normal people have. Her reply: "I don't know anyone who has a normal relationship with food."

And I realized that I was comparing my insides to people's outsides, as we say in AA. I assume that because someone is thin, they don't struggle with food the way I do. That there's a difference between those of us who are fat and those who aren't. And I really have no evidence for that. Maybe they are white-knuckling it every meal, trying to stay away from food, just like I am.

So is the difference that they're in control of themselves and I'm not? Something to think about.

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