Sunday, June 6, 2010

Still flailing in inactivity

I've been at loose ends since work slowed down on Thursday. I've curbed the incessant eating to a large extent, but the abrupt halt to my structure is really hard on me. This isn't new to me. I've been a freelancer for nearly 16 years and work comes and goes in a very definite feast or famine way, but each time it's hard and without food relief, it's seeming even harder.


The last three days, I've been working through my longer to-do list. Friday I spent writing letters and emails and doing some marketing for my writing, long overdo follow-up on some warm leads, and making some adjustments to my over all plan. Yesterday a little work came in and I alternated doing that and going through my books. For years, I've had an agreement with myself that I can't have more books than I have shelves for and that's gotten out of hand over the last year, so I culled three big bags for resale and moved my 20 years of journals to the basement in plastic tubs. Today I tackled my clothes and the bedroom's relative clutter. That kind of cleaning out and giving away always lightens my mood.

So it's not so much moving from lots to do to nothing to do, as it is moving from external accountability and deadlines to my own internal motivations and desires. And somehow not letting food control the transition.


I'm reminded too that health is a static situation but a constant adjustment and readjustment of thousands of small processes within our bodies, so perhaps I can relax into a number of adjustments into a new kind of balance around what happens to my time.

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