Friday, July 30, 2010

Relationship conversations

I've been deep in relationship conversations this week. It started last week when I spent some time with some old friends, both of whom were pretty stuck in their relationships. At least the kind of discontent they were expressing was the same thing I'd heard for the last several years whenever we'd gotten together. And I began to wonder how much movement I'd made over the past several years and especially over the last five months of no sugar.

I know that I need a couple more people in my inner most circle. People I can tell anything to. That became really clear when I got to spend weekly time this spring with my friend Cynthia from Pittsburgh. I'd missed that kind of relationship--an easy intimacy, someone who had time to listen to what was really going on with me, someone who created a lot of space for me to sort out my feelings before I spoke while also being someone I could just goof off with and laugh a lot.

I have a lot of good friends and interesting acquaintances but I've been missing something deeper. So I've approached two women I respect a lot and asked if they're interested in exploring something more with me. I've realized I'm too old to wait and see what happens, and I've been reticent too long to speak my need.

And asking for what you want sets it up differently. I'd known Cynthia for a couple of years before I asked her if she'd be willing to be an intimate, a confidante. I knew she already had a best friend but I really needed someone. And she said yes. Last week when I asked her why she always makes herself available emotionally to me, she told me it was because of that early conversation in which I asked for what I needed.

That conversation last week gave me the courage to ask for something similar from two others this week. I'll let you know what happens.

1 comment:

Jan Shannon said...

What a smart move, Jill. You are so courageous and so tenacious in your desire for recovery! Those women you approached are lucky.