Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Letting go of more

My friend Patricia sent me this quote yesterday and I've been thinking about it all day. "Whether it's a mood, an attitude, a behavior, a closet full of clothes you don't wear, whatever you're holding onto, make no mistake it is holding on to you! And the more stuff--emotional, physical, mental or spiritual--that's weighing you down, the less progress you're making toward things that are really important in your life."

First, the closet full of clothes got me. I think most of my local friends would laugh to see what's in my closet since they mostly see me in black or navy blue but I do have some interesting clothes and never wear them. I'm also a comfort junkie and if pants fit me, or I like a comfortable tunic, I'll buy three. But the truth is as a fat woman, I don't much like the way I look in anything except simple dark colors so I've probably got 15 black tops of varying weights and sleeve lengths as well as a dozen pair of black pants. I've also fallen into buying pretty much anything that fits comfortably, another curse of excess weight.

In addition to a lot of clothes I don't wear, I've several closets full of art and craft supplies that I barely use, a lot of gift wrap, boxes of fax cartridges for a machine I use once in a blue moon, more bedsheets than I can use, shoes that aren't very comfortable. Old love letters, old drafts of manuscripts, old samples of client files. And that's without even looking in the cupboards and drawers.

I'm holding on to old fears and resentments, old memories, old longings, old humiliations. Old beliefs about me and my mother, old jealousies.

When I got sober, I was able to visualize that I was dragging a dumpster of baggage around with me. In the last two decades, I got rid of a lot, through therapy, meditation, personal growth work, and 12 steps, and reduced it to a Tuffy garbage can. Since I gave up sugar, I'd say I'm down to a small kitchen garbage can. But I've still got those that, as the quote says, are holding on to me for dear life.

I'm more and more ready to let go of more. Okay, I'm going in and getting rid of 10 things from my closet into a bag for Goodwill right now. Anybody willing to join me? Email me at sobertruths@gmail.com with your letting-go adventure. Blessed be!

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