Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Equanimity in the face of pain

Since I got sober 20+ years ago, I haven't had a lot of physical pain. My migraine headaches stopped when I stopped drinking. I had a brief bout with gall bladder issues but after surgery that passed. And I've had a few esophageal problems but medication righted that as well. For most of the last decade I've been pretty healthy.

Now, here at the home of Shingles R Us, there's quite a bit of pain. Pain complicates things. It makes me restless, it makes me irritable. It makes it hard to work, to be satisfied, to be enjoy reading or writing or art-making. And it makes it hard to withstand other kinds of discomfort--like not eating whatever I want when I want it.

I haven't gotten any ice cream, I haven't picked up a drink, I haven't even taken up my doctor's offer for narcotics. But I don't want to move forward in my abstinence from excess food. I don't want to take the next important step in my own emotional healing. And that makes me miserable in a different way.

1 comment:

sorella said...

Dear Jill,

Hang in there -- we are thinking of you and sending you love and support!