Friday, September 3, 2010

When am I fooling myself?

I think I'm getting hooked on a lowfat, organic, low-sugar granola-type bar. If you've been following my freedom from sugar adventures, I haven't given up every gram of sugar in the universe. I've been staying away from high-sugar items and anything that parades as a dessert. Ice cream tops the list but it includes candy, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, muffins, scones, puddings, anything with whipped cream, get the idea.

There's a slippery middle ground that I'm beginning to see. Low-sugar popsicles, low-sugar nut bars, low-sugar granola bars. Most of this are good but not yummy and they make a safe snack in the late afternoon, especially the nut bars. But I'm finding myself growing a little too fond of a couple of them. I'm tempted to make sure I have a few on hand. I'm occasionally eating 3 or 4 over an evening in the old mindless way. (I also have found myself doing the same with cheese and crackers or cheetos.)

Some of this has been happening the last week here at Camp Shingles. But that's not the only reason. It was happening before now and I'm seeing that I'm still hoping food will soothe me, fix me, take care of me. And much as I don't want it to be so, I'm seeing that letting go of these faux safe foods is the next big step to take in really coming into my own.

1 comment:

sorella said...

Dear Jill,

What new territory you are in now! This is a major insight, to acknowledge that this fondness was happening before you arrived at Camp Shingles. You're also very clear on what is propelling this fondness. AND you are able to share it with us. You are definitely changing and growing. Hang in there and be more kind, compassionate and patient to yourself than you ever have been in your life. You are hitting such deep stuff right now! Also -- have some major fun, to take your mind off of all of this. I suspect that you are like me -- you carry that good daughter energy into understanding and solving your problems, to where you are doing it 24/7. Find something that is a healthy, fun distraction from your processing and your noticing.