Sunday, October 3, 2010

The next hurdle

Much as I don't want to admit it, my next hurdle in the food and overeeating conversation is clear to me. I wish it weren't clear because then I wouldn't have to do anything about it. I could pretend to be in the dark, but I'm not so good at pretending anymore. So I just have to face it and decide if I want to do anything about it.

I'm talking about the intimate connection between watching TV (in my case Netflix) and eating. This habit has been going on for several decades, probably since I started living alone in the late 70s. I was used to eating with others and so to create an "other," I'd get absorbed in a book and then eventually in a TV show or an old movie or a video or a DVD or now Netflix.

I eat mindlessly, getting up every so often to get another piece of fruit, a snack bar, a sugar-free popsicle, a handful of crackers, a piece of cheese, a piece of toast. I'm not hungry but I'm needing. What exactly I'm needing I don't know. I don't know how much is habit, kneejerk-so-many-minutes-have-gone-by-get-up habit or ingrained programming from the old days of TV and commercials every 7 minutes and getting up to avoid the boredom of the commercials.

The pattern is very similar to the way I drank. Finish the glass, stop the video, get another glass.

I don't savor the food, I don't even taste it, but I have huge resistance to giving this up.

(To be continued)

1 comment:

sorella said...

Dear Jill,

I love that you immediately framed this as a decision, "if I want to do anything about it." You are tackling so much here -- just being able to identify your next hurdle, to share your specific understanding of your behavior, is so great. Now you can percolate with this new information, this new understanding. You'll face it and decide what, if anything, you want to do about it when your guts tell you that you are ready to do those things.