Friday, December 3, 2010

You're never too old to have poor boundaries

This week has been a week of interesting revelations. I was talking to my spiritual director on Wednesday about how I'd gotten into a jackpot around my schedule yet again. I keep talking about how I am going to organize my week so that I have some days free of appointments to work or to write or do art, confining social events and errands and those pesky meetings with the eye doctor or the financial advisor to one day a week. And it never happens.

My schedule is mine. No one else puts those appointments in my date book, no one else says, "Yes, that would be fine," when somebody wants a coaching session on an already crowded day or a lunch date in a week of big projects.

I was complaining of this to Anna, and she said. "Jill, that's an aspect of poor boundaries." And a huge lightbulb went off for me. I don't like to say no. I don't want people not to like me. I want to be accommodating. It feels selfish to not be. And that aspect of the Good Girl is often more important than taking care of myself.

Anna recommended that I establish a calendar policy in writing. That way I wouldn't be making decisions each time someone calls, but rather I'll have a freely chosen policy to refer myself to. A way to remind myself that this is what I want and need and this is what I can have.

So I'm going to spend time on the airplane home on Sunday doing several things: writing a wish list for my upcoming birthday and Christmas, considering my intentions and goals for 2011, and writing a calendar policy.

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