Friday, April 29, 2011

Now why did I agree to stop eating food soothers?

I'm in a Holiday Inn Express in St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin, about 10 miles from the campus of the main Hazelden recovery center. I arrived last night after an uneventful flight and relatively uneventful drive in a rental car the 60 miles up here from the airport. For many people, this will sound like no big deal. But for me, a person with a highly developed comfort gene and an almost non-existent adventure gene, this is stressful.

Roads I don't know, a car I don't know, a place I don't know, 300 people I don't know. Yikes!

I did pretty well. I got here safely, got checked in, found that my room backed up on the elevator and asked for another (and got it)--this alone was a huge accomplishment in asking for what I need. Then at dinner a guy a couple of tables over said into his cell phone that he was speaking on Saturday and I approached him, a total stranger! Those of you who don't know me well will find this perplexing. Why is she telling us all this normal stuff? But those of you who do know me will know that for me, these are challenges. I'm introverted, shy, often solitary. So I'm really stepping out here, folks.

Today I met my friends Patricia and Ann, got a tour of the campus, had lunch. Came back and rested a while, then went to the event for the afternoon and early evening. It all seemed fine until I got back to the hotel and every candybar in the vending machine was doing a little peekaboo dance of seduction just for me. Right next to them were the Cheetos, now also not on my list of foods. I restrained myself, got ice, a big glass of water, ate a few nuts I'd brought with me and called it good. I wasn't hungry. Dinner had been delicious and I wasn't even tempted by the huge chunks of chocolate cake at each place but once I got back here, I really needed soothing. Oy!


Bridget B. said...

Oh darlin', I hear you. I keep trying to remember that old HALT thing - don't get too hungry, anxious, lonely or tired. Stay centered, and thanks for sharing.

sorella said...

Dear Jill,

I second Bridget's advice -- which is a great shorthand for me, too! Good for you for speaking up for yourself, and for connecting outside your comfort zone. Exciting!