Friday, August 19, 2011

More thoughts on Dave Ellis's ideas

As I give up worrying about my chronic concerns, I have been thinking more about what I do want. Most of my concerns, I realize, focus on things I don't want: excess weight, anxiety, guilt, loneliness. Oh, I've dressed them in the guise of desire. I can rephrase it that I'd like to be thinner but I'm not sure I remember enough about what that feels like to imagine it again). Or I can say I want to be partnered but I don't have much to go on there either, never having had a really happy experience. And I think there's something off-kilter about these desires for absence, not presence. So I'm relooking at what I want from the Ellis perspective.

After you write a whole bunch of 3x5 cards with a want on each card (Dave suggests you do about 400!), you categorize them into A (want so much I'll do anything to get it), B (want enough to put in time and energy to get it), C (want it but won't commit much to get it but if it happened that would be great), and O (obligation: something I want because I should want it). So I spent time the other night, going through my Wnt cards (I've only got about 100 so far) and really thought about the categories.

This time if I let go of those wants that had to do with don't wants (weight, loneliness, guilt, etc.), I had many more Cs (great if it happened but not a project) and fewer As.

Here are the current A's:

1. Fully step into my life as a writer and painter.
2. Break the bond between watching TV and eating.
3. Come into a deeper resonance and understanding of myself as a woman (as opposed to a person).
4. Contribute to others healing from sugar addiction.
5. Get my novels out into the world.
6. Heal my back pain.
7. Be in touch each day with my passions.

The excitement and commitment I feel around these are much different from the lukewarm sense of resignation and pre-failure that I have about weight loss or finding a partner. And that feels good.

1 comment:

sorella said...

Dear Jill,

What a great finesse of the concept of the As. You've inspired me to do similar winnowing and prioritizing. And to link to your excellent discussion on agenda-setting -- have you put something on your agenda for each A on this list?