I leave today on vacation. My neighbor and gym buddy Melanie and I are sailing up the Inland Passage to Alaska, something that's been on both our dream lists for a long time. I talked with a friend last February about her trip, who raved about the experience, and mentioned it to Melanie,and we looked at each other and said, "Let's go." So we board the ship tomorrow and cruise for a week. I've very excited.
And the last two days there've been duelling voices in my head. One voice says, "The food is going to be fantastic. You can eat dessert this week. You've been really good, and remember you're not worrying about weight loss. You're in recovery from that chronic concern." The other says, "If you could eat dessert in moderation, if you could pick and choose when to indulge, you'd already been doing that. Abstinence works best for you. Hang in there!" So I find myself in that scene from Animal House when Tom Hulce has the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.
What makes the decision easy is knowing myself so well. I might, maybe, perhaps could eat a dessert or three on the trip and not get hooked by sugar again. But I've done this dance of maybe so many times and I am so happy not to be living in shame and guilt around what I eat that it just isn't worth it.
If I lived in the outback of British Columbia and might never see a great dessert again, maybe I'd consider it. But I live in Portland with desserts galore and ice cream anytime I want to buy 6 gallons for my freezer. I also know there will be other wonderful food to eat and so I'm staying in alignment with my commitment.
PS I asked Melanie if she'd keep the pillow chocolates to herself and she suggested we just tell the steward not to leave us any. Nice to have a smart friend along.