Friday, April 6, 2012

Starting fresh

I get blog posts from Daily Om and a couple of days ago, this reminder showed up: 

We can choose to start over in this very moment; there is no need to wait for a new year or a new month or a new week.

I was happy to see this reminder. I learned this idea in the treatment center in 1989. That you can declare something over and something new beginning at any moment. In early sobriety, I had a lot of nervousness and irritability. Knowing that it was a B-vitamin deficiency caused by drinking helped intellectually but not emotionally. Sometimes I just couldn't stand being sober and alert with no buffer to my feelings or anyone else's. Several times during that month, I'd tell my boss (a very understanding woman and member of Alanon) I needed a break, and I would go home, which wasn't far, and start the day over. Literally.

I'd take my clothes off, get into bed for about 3 minutes, get up, take another shower, and get dressed and go back to work. I don't know whether it was the negative ions of the shower, the fact that I changed my clothes, that I left work for a half hour, or just taking care of myself, but I'd come back to work with a fresh attitude, soothed in some way. 

I haven't needed to do that whole routine for a long time now. I have other tools: deep breathing, silent screaming, a walk around the block, a cold glass of sparkling water. But I love the idea of a fresh start, of ending whatever isn't working and trying something new. 

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