Sunday, December 9, 2012

Goldilocks and enough

I've been thinking lately about my relationship with enough. I'm taking an online class with teacher Wayne Muller on that very topic. When have we done enough so we can rest? When have we put together enough money for our future so we can stop worrying? When have we eaten enough so that we are satisfied?

I eat too much. I work too much. I'm anxious when I'm not doing either or both. Hard as I try, I can't seem to find a place where I feel it's enough. Or perhaps it's that the feeling of enough-ness doesn't last for more than a few minutes. That was a common pattern with my drinking. I'd be okay for a brief time and then I'd go into withdrawal and need another drink. I get that same antsy feeling with eating and working. Disconnected, wanting, and uncomfortable in the wanting.

I've always admired Goldilocks as a archetype. She seems to be pretty picky. Bed too soft, bed too hard.  But from another angle, she's pretty discriminating. She knows what she likes. She knows what's just right. I admire people who eat that way. People won't eat something just because it's there. "Not worth it," my sister will say and push away a restaurant meal after a few bites. She could send it back, order something else, but she doesn't. She's eaten enough. I've often wondered what enough feels like to her. I wonder how to recognize it in myself.

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