I wonder if I can sink into feelings of being a part of the group, the family, the Bigger Life, and still stay awake and loyal to what I've committed to and what my body is responding to like the spring night-Moth responds to the waiting Trillium blooms."
I was moved by Lily's thinking: the desire to be part of the old way, the old group. I remember mourning the demise of our family's pie events. My sister Kerry makes fabulous pie and we used to gather in the summer every few weeks for a pie fest. Huge slabs with ice cream. We'd laugh and joke and thoroughly enjoy the pie and each other. It was a celebration of food and us.
This kind of celebration is harder somehow to have over a big salad at New Seasons or small bowl of lentil stew and beets. Maybe some day that will feel celebratory. Maybe not. But I do want to stay awake and loyal to what I am committed to and what my body is responding to, as Lily says. Maybe the challenge is to live in two tribes: the old and the new.