Thursday, April 18, 2013

Day 39 Being willing to wake up

I had a session with my spiritual director today and I was trying to describe to her the changes that are happening because of this food plan. I've been seeing Anna for about 5 years and I first went to see her because of my inability to really do anything about food addiction and I was hoping that a spiritual approach might be helpful. And it has been, for bit by bit, I have come to the willingness to make the kind of changes I am making, and she has patiently asked the right questions to get me here.

I was talking about my unrelenting cheerfulness these days and how it is a cheerfulness in my body as much as in my mind. My body feels different to me, or rather I am in it in a different way. And I realized that my body is waking up. I have eaten and then drunk and then eaten to disconnect from my body. Numbing my feelings has meant numbing my body, since the feelings manifest physically.

Now my body is coming out of hiding, out of that numbness, and I am awake in it. That's the best way I can describe the sensation. It's curious, it's odd, it's cheerful.

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