For many of us who get sober, there is a euphoria that occurs in the first months as we drop the constant hangover and the constant self-loathing. It's a joy for a solution and relief at letting go of the old, hard life of addiction with its lies and the constant chase for something that couldn't last. In AA, we call this the pink cloud. And it eventually subsides and real life settles back in.
I drove over to the Oregon Coast today to the retreat. It was a spectacular day: clear, sunny, all of the fresh and myriad spring greens in the grass and trees, flowers in bloom, birds singing. The glory of the Northwest in full splendor and I was so happy. Happy to be stopping by to visit my sister Shannon in her new home on a vineyard, happy to be coming on retreat, happy to be seeing all the glorious colors, to feel the air on my skin, to be driving. Just happy.
And it reminded me of the pink cloud I experienced in the fall of 1989 and I wondered if this feeling will end and real life will settle in again. Of course the real life that I have now is infinitely better than the real life I had before I got sober. And it certainly seems possible that I could get so used to feeling this way, that the giddiness would wear off. Or maybe with prolonged eating of this kind of nutrition, my body will settle in to knowing this was it was made to feel like.