Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 50 A small victory

Today was an interesting day. I had a good morning with some writing, meditation, a long walk on the beach, and some reading before I fixed lunch for everybody. It was a well-balanced time between quiet and activity, between solitude and company. Then I had a big emotional upset right after lunch, a very painful conversation with another woman on the retreat. In the past, I would have tried to fix those difficult feelings with food, whether I was hungry or not.

But I could feel what was happening to me. That I was sad and unhappy and I wasn't hungry. I wasn't empty. I wasn't craving. I was sad and unhappy. I thought about food, about snacks but I knew I didn't need that. I needed comforting and I had to give it to myself. So I borrowed the master suite's bathroom and took a long hot bath and watched the sky out the huge windows. And then I finished what I had been working on and lay down on my bed for a while and just felt bad.

I still feel bad and I'm not sure how to resolve the issue that she brought up. But I didn't eat over this, I didn't go off the plan either at dinner (we ate out and my choices were extremely limited), and I didn't come back after dinner and eat either. Shifting things one day at a time.


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