Today I had my fifth session with a breathing therapist. A decade or so ago, I had a respiratory virus that did some scarring that impacted my exhale and I've had some fears and tensions around breathing since then. I'd heard some good things about Margaret and signed up for a series with her. The work has been both easy and difficult. It involves a more conscious attitude about breathing and has felt a bit tedious at times. But I've learned some good things and today I saw that my body is really beginning to shift into easier breathing, less knotted up in the diaphragm, and more able to relax. While Margaret's exercises are certainly a part of it, I know that the new way I feel in my body is part of it too. I feel better and I am more relaxed.
One of the impacts of all these nutrients is to make my nervous system healthier. I know what it's like to have an impaired nervous system. For nearly 20 years, I ran on alcohol, caffeine, and sugar. Whatever B vitamins I consumed didn't have a chance to help my nerves so old patterns of panic and anxiety just ruled. But in the last couple of months, I am much less anxious. I'm not irritable or annoyed. I have more patience, more energy.
Yesterday, my friend Melanie called to ask me to pick up our CSA box. It was 5 pm on a cold, rainy afternoon and three months ago I'd have said okay and hated every minute of the trip. Yesterday, I said okay and it was fine. The traffic was bad, the weather worse, but I just was okay. No impatience, no resentment. It wasn't too much trouble.
And I found that same calm on the table in Margaret's office today. Where I could just breathe deep and easy and relax.