Friday, June 21, 2013

Day 103 A wave of Friday night nostalgia

I drove down to Salem late this afternoon to attend the artists' reception for my friend Lily. Saw some cool stuff and had a good chat with several of the artists and then headed home. My route took me through a neighborhood and past several convenience stores. Out of each one walked a guy with a 6-pack or two and in one case, a case of beer.

And I had a wave of longing. Not for the beer. I wasn't much of a beer drinker except when I was hungover and craving carbonation or if that's all there was. No, what I longed for was that feeling of safety and comfort that a Friday night stop at the liquor store would bring me, knowing I was going home with plenty of anesthetic.

After I got sober, it took a while to figure out the right substitute, but eventually I settled on ice cream, to my mind the perfect food: sugar, fat, cream, flavors. Having several gallons of my favorite flavor of the moment in the fridge gave me that same secure feeling, that physical and emotional sigh of relief.

I haven't had ice cream in nearly four years. And nothing gives me that same feeling of safety and comfort now although most of the time, that's okay. I can eat my vegetables and a piece of chicken and be okay. But tonight, driving home, I missed the comfort of that feeling.

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