Saturday, June 22, 2013

Day 104 Curbing my appetite: My resistance to vigilance

Curbing my eating in any structured way (smaller portions, eating on a scheduling, weighing or measuring foods, counting calories or grams of fat) has always raised the red flag of resistance in my emotions. And I've realized over the last few days, as I begin to consider making additional changes, that the resistance has to do with vigilance.

At the age of 9, I became hyper-vigilant after a period of sustained stress and trauma. I became acutely attuned to those around me and my environment, always watching, always calculating. And while drinking eased that somewhat, I still had to be vigilant about getting too drunk or appearing too drunk. Once I stopped drinking for good, my hyper-vigilance slowly began to ease up. I simplified my life greatly and worked to stay on an even keel and to surround myself with people I could trust. The only thing I stayed vigilant about was protecting my sobriety.

Now trying to sort out how to manage when and how I eat has raised up some of that old anxiety about having to always pay attention and how tiring that is. So I'm looking for a simple plan that will help me stay on track and out of stress around food.

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