Friday, July 5, 2013

Day 117 Reducing my sense of personal shame

For longer than I care to remember, I've been carrying shame about my addictive behaviors. You might not have figured that out from talking to me because I had a defiant response to my shame. I drink all day, so what? It's none of your business.  I eat a gallon of ice cream in an evening and don't you try to tell me I shouldn't. I'm 100 pounds overweight and while not proud of it, I can give you a million rationalizations for why that's how it is.

It's very curious to me that my shame about my body is lessening much more quickly than the weight loss. By that I mean I'm still fat. I'm 75 pounds overweight. But what's gone is the shame around eating in ways that I knew were unhealthy, in quantities that I knew were unhealthy, and eating foods that I knew were unhealthy. All my defiance, to myself and others, couldn't mask that from me.

Bottom line: I'm taking much better care of myself. I'm eating in a respectful and loving way for my body and my soul. And that is lessening the burden of shame.

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