Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Day 143 Rigorous honesty

At the OA meeting Monday night, I listened to "How It Works," the opening reading of both OA and AA from the Big Book of AA, for the first time with food as the issue, not alcohol. The words "rigorous honesty" jumped out at me. I have been capable of "grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty" as far as alcohol and drugs goes. But I haven't developed that way of living around food, and I saw that so clearly in my reluctance to keep a food journal for my coach.

It wasn't really that she and I couldn't learn anything from tracking my eating for three more days. Maybe that's true, maybe not. Far more important is that I didn't want to share with her that I am eating a lot of snacks. I'm not in denial about this but I was unwilling to be honest with her.

Although I didn't make this connection to rigorous honesty until Monday night at the meeting, I did intuitively know I needed to do the journal and so I wrote it Monday morning for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and sent it off to Elisabeth immediately after writing it. Being honest with myself and free from shame is what is at stake here: letting go of rationalizations and becoming mindful.

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