Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Day 184 The last week before the end 24 years ago

Monday Sept 16, it will be 24 years since my last drink. An astonishing 8,760 days. At this time 24 years ago, I couldn't go more than 4 hours without a drink and I had been drunk for most of the six months before. I was in an emotionally abusive long-term relationship, I had lost my tenure-track teaching job, and I was so physically sick I could hardly function.

When this week rolls around each year, I spend some quiet time thinking of those days and all that misery--physical, emotional, spiritual--and how I was granted a new life when I got honest with my doctor about my powerlessness over alcohol.

In my memoir, the very first scene is that appointment with the doctor, her calling the treatment center to make me a reservation, and the next few days as I found out who supported me (my landlady, the bosses of my three part-time jobs, my friends and family) and who didn't (my lover). I watched the universe open doors for me and catch me as I fell into this new life.

I didn't know then all that awaited me and how my life would evolve. I would never have believed any of it if someone had told me. But I am profoundly grateful for that doctor and for my own willingness to hit bottom and stop dying and start really living.

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