Friday, December 6, 2013

Day 270 Confessions of a sugar addict

For the last few weeks, I've been back on sugar, in true Candy Girl fashion. I have not been in denial but I have been in defiance, so I haven't written about it, because I knew that once I did, once I admitted it to someone other than myself, I would be on the way to abstinence again and I don't want to be abstinent from sugar.

I don't want to be abstinent from sugar even though I've regained a few pounds, even though I don't feel very good, even though none of the rest of my healthy food tastes as good, even though I have less energy, even though I am less cheerful. Cunning, baffling, and powerful, as we say in AA. The cunning, baffling, and powerful link between the need and the hell, yes, why not? and the consequences be damned.

I could blame it on Trader Joe's, I guess, and the fleur de sel caramels they're currently sellling (next to ice cream and alcohol, caramels are about my favorite addictive substance) but I can't do that as no one at TJ's forced me to buy them, to buy a lot of them, to eat them all. No one. Just me and everything that still isn't quite aligned in my sense of self and well-being.

So now you know and I know that you know. And they're all gone and tomorrow is another day. One day at a time.

PS . In true addict fashion, I had to go make sure they were all gone before I sent this post.


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