Friday, December 13, 2013

Day 277 My relationship to time

In the Deep Rest project, I've been reading Seattle author Waverly Fitzgerald's wonderful Slow Time, a book about slowing down in a deliberate and heartfelt way. There are lots of great stories in the book and good suggestions, but mostly I'm finding the reading provocative in that I'm reconsidering my relationship to time. I've been moving in this direction for a while. I've taken on living more spaciously, never being in a hurry again, taking on less. And bit by bit, it's working.

Sometimes I still make choices that don't align with those desires. The last few days have been like that. I've had a lovely house guest, an old friend from South Carolina. Judith is easy to be around but she understandably wants to do things in this city she doesn't know well and she wants me to do them with her. And I want to. At the same time, I've had a big work project these same days of her visit. I could have said no to this project, but it's a huge one (3 different well-paid segments with "no" to one segment meaning "no" to them all) and I didn't want to lose the income. I thought I'd be able to do both--spend time with Judith and do the work.

And then my desktop computer died. I have a laptop and can work on it, but what I hadn't counted on was over 3 hours of conversation with the repair guy and driving back and forth to drop it off and pick it up. And then my client instituted a new security Cloud set-up for moving the projects in and out, and guess what? It didn't function right on my computer and they wanted me to sort that out with their IT guy and there went a couple of hours. And did I mention that I adopted a new kitten and she arrived yesterday and turned out to be lovely and beautiful and mostly feral and needing a lot of reassurance? And of course this was the week in which I teach two nights (while Judith was here).

And today felt like major meltdown as I squeezed it all in and got the project done just under the wire and the kitten cuddled and dinner made for Judith. But the good news? I didn't eat over this. No sugar, no extra servings. And I talked about my craziness instead of keeping it bottled up inside. And I survived. Progress, not perfection!

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