Evie has now been here 5 days. I'm not quite sure how much progress I'm making as cat whisperer for Evie is feral. She will let me hold her, she will purr most of the time when I do, but she will not yet come to me. From the reading I've been doing, that may take a lot of time. The younger feral kittens are when you begin socializing them, the better. Once they're 4 months old, it is too late. Evie was three months old when she got caught and neutered. She's now moving onto 4 months and has had about 2-1/2 weeks of socialization. Will it take? Will she become domesticated? I won't know for some time.
My cats have always represented some part of me and had lessons to teach me. My current cats certainly do. Nellie is happiness and affection. Frannie is loyal, dependent, loving, and timid. Sammy is a goofball, who doesn't think too much about anything much, just has a good time. And Evie? On her second evening here, I realized that she represents the most fragile part of me, the part that wasn't well mothered, the part that longs to be held and touched and is so afraid.
This is the part of myself that I so often have turned away from. The wounded child, the needy, dependent self, who is at the same time reaching out to connect and running away in fear and distrust. This is the me I drank to escape, have eaten and worked too much to escape. Now I am turning to her, to be there for her in Evie and in me. It seems a bit daunting and yet so much something I need to do.