Sunday, February 23, 2014

Day 349 My relationship with one day at a time

I had an experience in the treatment center 24+ years ago that has stayed vivid. I was in the shower and I realized that one day at a time, was a tool, not a promise. Sobriety wasn't a diet that I could start and stop. It was forever and one day at a time was not a choice but a technique. I felt sucker-punched in a way and that's when my grief around breaking up with my lover, alcohol, finally set in. No more flirting, no more cheating. We were through.

I don't think I've ever really done that with sugar. I haven't really broken it off. I've been abstinent for long periods (three years the last time). But then I pick it up again and I fall into the false meaning of one day at a time. That the one day that will be at a time will be tomorrow, not today. That I can stop one day at a time and then eat some the next day.

I haven't grieved. And I need to. Maybe it's time to get in the shower again.

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