Sunday, March 9, 2014

Day 363 A narrow repertoire of soothers

Another insight from last week's coaching upset was not new to me but a good reminder. I don't have a wide repertoire of ways that I can take care of myself emotionally. For someone who's well practiced at listing 16 solutions for almost any problem I have (or you have, for that matter), I'm amazingly narrow in what I will allow myself to do to feel better. I get into a certain psychic space (I read an article recently on this experience of "intrapsychic conflict") and I can't see my way out except in one direction: eat sugar.

I'm unsure what creates this monofocus. Perhaps it's as simple and complex as a well-worn groove in my brain that has so closely interwoven emotional distress and food that nothing else is available. It's a mystery to me. I do know that new grooves can be laid down, that old grooves can die off from disuse. It's just remembering that when I'm in the grip of discomfort and craving.

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