Saturday, April 12, 2014

100% responsible

If you've read my memoir, Sober Truths: The Making of an Honest Woman, you may remember a story about how I changed my relationship with my dad by becoming 100% responsible for having a great relationship with him. The key to this idea is the 100%. I wasn't expecting him to meet me half-way. I wasn't expecting him to put in any effort at all. If he did, that was great, but I didn't expect him to. It worked and over the next 3 years, we had such a deep and loving connection, far better than I could ever have hoped for.

I've written in here before about the idea of being "all in" to whatever you're doing, coming into things wholeheartedly (or not at all), and we were reminded in the weekend workshop about that idea and given an opportunity to commit to our own transformations and the transformation of the world on a scale of 1-11. We weren't allowed to give it a lot of thought, just put down what struck us as right. I put a 9 down; it included a commitment to some things that are going to be a big stretch for me: deep intimacy, vibrant health, for example, but I could see how I could do those. I didn't put down an 11 because I couldn't see how to reach thousands of people through my work. I was okay with that.

But the next morning during our meditation, I suddenly saw two things. I had a clear idea of a way I could reach thousands of people and I saw that one thing that really holds me back is needing to know "how" before I can commit to an idea. I'm ready to give up that limitation and willing to be 100% responsible for my own transformation.

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