Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Back in the saddle, er, back on the wagon

I'm not sure why these metaphors all seem related to cowboys, since those old-time cowboys didn't have a Plaid Pantry down the street or a Fred Meyer with 2 for $1 binge-able treats. But I'm confessing that I'm kicking the sugar habit again and am fully back on my food plan.

I have never relapsed with alcohol- for which I'm grateful and for which I don't claim all the credit but I have relapsed on sugar a number of times. Some people find relapse shameful. I don't. I think going back to our anesthetics of choice is among the most natural things in the world for us addicts. But I do find it boring.

What, after all, can I tell you? I was in Trader Joe's in mid-January and the caramels that they sell for Christmas were suddenly on the shelf right above the frozen mango.  I put two boxes in my cart, looked at them, put them back, looked at them again,and bought four. And then I was off and running. The only thing at all different in these three months, and I don't know if it's any kind of a victory, is that when I would run out of treats, I didn't always go and buy more right away. Sometimes a day or two would pass and I'd think I was free of it without having to decide but then there'd be a dessert offered or I'd see something I wanted and I'd buy a dozen.

I didn't go off my food plan, not much. Dairy and gluten have unpleasant side effects for me. And after most of a year, I've lost the taste for them, but not for sugar. Of course not. But I don't want this compulsion and I know the only way to break it is to break it and keep breaking it and keep breaking it until its path in my brain fades away. So here goes again. Yeehaw!

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