Sunday, April 27, 2014

Seeing a new side to my addictive self

Now that I'm off candy again and really working hard to be mindful, I noticed two interesting experiences recently. On Monday I misread my calendar and showed up at my spiritual director's office an hour early. She's too far from my house for it to be feasible to go home and I didn't need a meal so I ended up at Pier 1, just looking around. $87 worth of looking around. Nothing extravagant. Everything useful. Nothing I needed.

This is a very busy work time for me as some of my editing clients are finishing their PhDs and need someone to edit the dissertation. I had cleared most of my calendar to accommodate some long working days. And they were long and intense. And Wednesday after three days of this, I convinced myself at 3:30 pm I needed to go to Whole Foods for a few items. It wasn't until I got there and was checking out with $55 worth of food that I realized I didn't need any of it.

In both cases, I see that I was using shopping as a drug, as a soother, as entertainment. Just like I used alcohol, just like I use sugar.

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