Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Courage and Robin Williams

I wasn't a big fan of Robin Williams and I think Mrs. Doubtfire is one of the worst movies ever made. (Nobody could top Dustin Hoffman's transvestite Tootsie.) But I was struck by the huge difficulty many of us face with depression and anxiety and fear. I suffer from the latter two and they have wreaked considerable havoc in my life and led to a lot of addictive behaviors because they make me miserable and I'll do anything to make the misery stop.

When I was coming to the end of my active alcoholism, I didn't know it was the end. I had no hope and, what's more important, no ability to imagine a different future. I think addiction and mental illness are characterized by this lack of imagination. We can only foresee an endless stream of misery. I thought often about suicide in those days, about overdosing on some drug or other. And I could feel myself coming to an edge, a cliff of choice: stay or go. I can't explain why I chose to stay. I had no hope for I knew nothing about AA or treatment but for some reason I chose to stay.

It takes courage to stay but it also takes courage to go. I believe both are admirable.

1 comment:

dharmatalk said...

Yes, everyone of us have fear. The more fearful we are, the fear gets stronger. It just leap an dounce in our mind like monkeys having a field day. We have to face it squarely with courage. Look at the bright side and don't sink into negativity. The past is dead and gone, everyday have a new beginning.