Sunday, November 9, 2014

Boredom, not shame

You may have noticed that I haven't written about food much lately. That's because I've gotten back on the Road More Travelled: eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. This isn't unusual, of course. It's what food addicts do. Just like alcoholics drink and gamblers gamble and sex addicts find new partners.I expected to feel a lot of shame around this. After all, I was doing so well. I'd found a great food plan that seemed to be working, I lost considerable weight, I felt great. And then bit by bit, that all morphed into the same old same old.

But instead of shame, I just feel bored by myself. Oh yeah, this again. I've been here so many times. It plays out the same each time. I find a plan, lose weight, feel great. Then I succumb to temptation: a candy bar, a piece of cake, and for a while I don't gain back the weight, so I think I'm home free. And then I've moved back into all the comfort foods, all the self-medicating (even when nothing really needs medicating) and the weight comes back and the struggle begins again. It's become very tedious.

I'm not sure where to go from here, but boredom is never a good place for me. Something has to give. 

1 comment:

Susan REES said...

I read today, "feel it, heal it" and I wonder, is there something to heal? Is there something that eats at us to the point that we eat right back at it? I, too, suffer from that seemingly hopeless state of mind and consume food even when I'm not hungry. Is it just because I'm bored. There it is, perhaps I'm bored, unchallenged, and laziness sets in and am eating at that state of being. hmmmmm....