Sunday, January 4, 2015

Moving back into the real world

The last couple of days of retreat are always different from the rest of the time. Home begins to tug at my sleeve and at my thoughts. I begin to miss my cats, my bed, my circle of intimates, and even my work. So I move in a gentle kind of limbo, here but not here, on the freeway home and still walking the road up the hill past the cows, yearning to go and yearning to stay.

This time the tug home is a little stronger, for I have done the major work I brought with me (finishing a solid first draft of Candy Girl: A Personal Inquiry into Recovery from Sugar and Food Addiction) and have time open on my hands now that I didn't expect. I know I will find delightful and restful things to do with that time, but there's a letdown after such a project is finished and I'm feeling a bit of that now.

Our weather too has turned from deep cold and bright sun on the frosted landscape to more typical Pacific Northwest winter: warmer with gray clouds and intermittent showers. The loss of that high barometric pressure registers in my body as letdown as well. And yet my heart is still glad to be here in the circle of friends and the beauty of this place.

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