Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Taking a radical step Part II

After agreeing that I would seriously consider the month off, I left Anna's office in a bit of a daze. I found it telling that I wanted to stop for ice cream on the way home (I didn't stop). The feelings of excitement and terror alternated and I tried to settle into work. After talking with a couple of good friends and some rumination, I could see that this was exactly what I needed to do.

I don't think I could have made this decision so easily if it hadn't been for the money program and all the things I've learned and the transformation of my relationship with money. Because of that, I can make this decision not based on the money I won't be earning. I can stay out of scarcity, look at the real numbers around money in my life, and make the decision from sufficiency and my emotional and spiritual needs. So I've contacted my steadiest clients and am working with them to figure out whether July, August, or September would be best.

The emotional trepidation is still very real. The last time I had a month off from work was August 1989 and I was drunk for all 31 days. It was a nightmare of sickness and insanity. And I've clung to steady work as a centering force in my sober life since I got sober in September of that year. I am not concerned that I will start drinking again, but I am both curious and a bit frightened of what I may experience. Wish me luck!


4 comments:

Phil Freyder said...

You have the courage to take this scary step, Jill. I admire that. Continuing to work compulsively, as you're undoubtedly seen, would be continuing to use work as a smokescreen, a way of avoiding dealing with the issues you need to confront.

Stephanie Doig said...

So impressed with how you choose to approach your life. You keep learning, hoping, changing, exploring, becoming... You are a great example to me. Good luck to you as you begin this new adventure.

sorella said...

Bonne chance, my dear. This is great, that you are taking this huge step off the treadmill of work. Talk about spacious! I am so excited for you.

Jill Kelly said...

Thanks, everybody, for your encouragement. I appreciate your support.