Friday, June 10, 2016

I'm learning more about my addiction to food

The last couple of months have been tougher on BLE. I'm not bored with the food as I suspected I might become. In fact, I really like the food that I eat and because my tastebuds aren't jaded by sugar and fat, everything is delicious. I'm even getting used to the long stretches between meals and the no snacking, which seemed so hard at first.

No, what I miss is being stuffed. Eating all I want at a meal until I don't want anymore. That may sound crazy if you're not an overeater. But I miss being sated, really sated. Not just kind of full, but the license to keep eating until I'm really done.

I've had not trouble convincing myself that I was a compulsive eater. I have obsessed about certain foods, I have eaten when the compulsion strikes me rather than at mealtime or because of physical hunger. But I have not wanted to admit that I overeat compulsively, that I can't stop eating. But of course that's true. If there had been a hidden camera here watching me go through ice cream or bags of caramels any of the last decades, I'd have had incontrovertible truth.

Somehow I wanted to hang on to that last bit of denial, but I can't hang on to it anymore. And so I have to abstain from that as well as sugar, flour, and snacks. 

1 comment:

frogfrond said...

You nailed it. I'm now in the maintenance phase, which has its own #@!! tricks. Wanting to feel full, to not feel hungry. But two things help: the discipline learned while losing and the pleasures of feeling so much better now.