Sunday, July 3, 2016

My lesser body and clothes

I'm having trouble finding clothes that fit. I'm down 76 pounds from October and that is of course a huge cause for celebration. And I celebrate every day with increased stamina, clarity, lightness of being. But getting dressed and shopping for clothes is not yet a pleasure.

I weighed way too much for a long time but I weighed it consistently. And that made shopping easier. I found two catalogs that had clothes I liked: cotton knit, colorful, well made. I bought a variety of tops and pants and got along fine. But now I'm not that size anymore. I'm down two sizes, sometimes three, sometimes four, depending on the style and manufacturer. What's more I don't need or want things to be as loose, as baggy as before, but I'm not really comfortable in tight clothes. I never have been. To make it worse, my favorite of the two catalogs has shifted to a much younger clientele and I'm no kid. And complicating this even further is the fact that I'm losing weight on the bottom considerably faster than on the top. Most importantly, I don't yet have a mental image of myself as thinner.

Susan Peirce Thompson, the founder of the food program I follow, had a weekly vlog about this recently, about the kind of skewed image we may have as we transition to a smaller body. We keep looking for clothes that fit the body we used to have. I keep looking in those old catalogs, not fully grasping that it isn't just the size that is changing but how I dress myself. I need new styles, a new concept as much as smaller clothes. An unforeseen conundrum.

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