Monday, April 17, 2017

Getting off the fence

I got to watch a master coach last week help a woman work through her indecision about a long-distance relationship. The details of her dilemma are not important here, but his coaching was so valuable that I wanted to share those ideas. This is what I saw.

It takes tremendous energy to be on the fence. The energy we put into thinking about the issue (and most often, it's worry, not just thinking), the energy of stuckness, is energy that doesn't go into other meaningful things in our lives.

Fence-sitting drains our energy in two other ways. We often feel bad about ourselves that we are indecisive and that drains us. And we are in fear, fear that we will make the wrong decision. And that drains us.

But most important of all, we can't move forward if we're on the fence. We've usually fallen into what is jokingly called "the paralysis of analysis." We play out the pros and cons, make lists, discuss it endlessly with friends or family (who may begin to lose patience). And nothing changes.

The coach encouraged the woman to decide. To step out of the relationship and see what happened. Or to step much more fully into the relationship and see what happened. She wouldn't know, couldn't know until she stepped down off the fence one or the other.

I've lived some long stretches on the fence. I know understand why that was so dreadful.




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