Saturday, March 10, 2018

Listening to my wiser self and not my wounded child

This weekend I had planned to be in San Francisco at a workshop with good friends. Ticket purchased, catsitter engaged. Then Wednesday morning I woke with a cough and a tickle in my throat. Okay, I said to myself, I'll take my potions and be right as rain tomorrow. But I wasn't. I wasn't any worse the next day and I wasn't any better. I clearly had a virus. And I had a dilemma. Do I go anyway and if I get worse, just suffer with it? Or do I stay home and take good care of myself and spare the others any contagion and forego some really good times with people I love? 

There's a child self in me who does not like changing plans. She also doesn't want to miss out on anything she likes to do. And there's a frugal side of me that didn't want to pay $125 (!!) to cancel the ticket. (The other charges I could get refunded.) Those two voices were pretty loud Thursday morning and they tried to overrule my body and my wiser self. A few years ago, I would have listened and agreed with them. This time I didn't.

I made myself get online right away and cancel the ticket. I texted my friends that I wasn't coming. And I settled into taking care of myself. Friday morning I woke up and was no worse, and I flirted briefly with getting a ticket and flying down anyway but I didn't. I accepted that this was the best choice and relaxed into it. I'm glad to see that I'm better at listening to my wiser self.

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